Father's Day Reflections

     Hello all! I hope you've enjoyed this SUPER hot Sunday so far. Remember back in February, when the temperature dipped below zero a few times? It was so cold one morning before work that I broke one of the door handles on my car! At the time, I was wishing for the sunshine and heat of summer; however, now that the heat index has reached one hundred, I'm reminiscing on those crazy cold days, and wishing that this heat would just leave and never come back! The ridiculous part is that this cycle happens every year; with each new extreme temperature change, my mind wishes itself back to the LAST extreme change, and vice versa, so on and so forth...

   
     These changes in weather aren't the only thing I've been thinking back on. I have recently re-read some of my bog posts, and have realized, through both that reflection and prayer, that I have been misled to believe certain things about myself. In turn, I have misled OTHERS into thinking those things about me. In addition to those realizations, I have been reflecting back on my life so far, as well as turned my thoughts to the future, and all I hope to see, do, and accomplish within my earthly life. I really feel like I turned a corner suddenly, at least in regards to how I feel about myself and my life, and I want to share these thoughts with you all. Lastly, as it IS Father's Day, I have been thinking a lot about my wonderful dad, as well as the amazing example he has been throughout my entire life. All of these points do connect, I promise! I wasn't sure myself how they all flowed together, but I just made the connection about five minutes ago, and only hope I can do justice to all my rambling thoughts and ideas...


     First and foremost, I feel the need to point out that I am, in fact, NOT a hot mess. Maybe I was a year or so ago, but as I've been thinking back on everything that has happened this past year, I have seen just how much I have changed. As I spend time with more and more people, I see how together I really and truly am; and I am so much in awe and adoration of the Lord because of it. You see, it's not about me and what I think about myself, or how negatively I view my life. It is about the way God Himself views me, and how HE feels about me. A few weeks ago, I realized that my perspective had suddenly shifted, and I had started seeing myself through His eyes, as well as through the eyes of my parents. Let me tell you all, that was honestly a big shock. I started putting a positive spin on my life, instead of focusing on the negative, "hot mess express" moments. I noticed that, technically, I am much more put together than a lot of people I know, or have talked with. Take away the fact that I'm living back at home, and I blow a lot of people out of the water; and I promise, that's not me tooting my own horn! It's just pure honesty. All of my bills are paid on time, or early; I put money into my savings account with every paycheck; my car, though it's pretty ugly on the outside, still runs very well; I work out regularly, and have no health problems; I'm almost never late to my various appointments, because my time management is awesome; I rarely drink anymore, and I do no drugs of any kind.
     You see, I was hyper-focusing on two details of my life that made me feel like I was "falling behind," or "not good enough." Whatever you want to call it, it's all crap. Just because I make much less money than my friends doesn't make me less of a person; in fact, my money management is pretty great, if I do say so myself! And just because I'm [temporarily] back with my parents doesn't mean I've somehow failed at being an adult. I literally have my dream job. I love it so much, and this summer can't go by fast enough! Not only do I love working, but I want to get better at it than I already am. I want to learn and grow within the education system. My job, which I adore, actually makes me want to be better. How cool is that?! So yes, I make not-so-good money doing it, but I know it's what I'm meant to be doing, therefore I don't care about the money. If someone ever tells you that they truly love what they do, but they insist and insist on more money to continue doing it, then to me that means they don't really LOVE it. If you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you are in the correct field, and you're following God's plan for your life, then money shouldn't matter. Money is nice! But in no way is it essential. Your Heavenly Father will ALWAYS take care of you.
     So, my encouragement with this is to step back and look at your life through HIS eyes. Think about the way you think about yourself. Are you too harsh with yourself? Are your thoughts regarding your life mostly negative? Take those thoughts captive! Find at least one thing a day to be thankful for; it seriously changes your life. Remember that it is not our responsibility to be perfect. Remind yourself in moments of weakness how far you've come. Reflect on all the ways God's been there for you, all He has done for you, and all He wants to continue doing. You are enough for Him.

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     I've really been thinking about my future here lately. I've been reflecting back on what I used to want when I was younger, compared to what I want now. God has been speaking several different words and revelations to me, and I find myself becoming more and more content in this [difficult] season of life. I am not sure at all how it's going to come about, but I trust and know that He will bring everything to pass in His perfect timing, and not one moment sooner or later.
   
     My baby sister just graduated from high school, and we had her party yesterday. It's somewhat sad to think about, because she is the last one of us to pass this milestone; however, I AM excited for her, and very proud of who she has become so far. This event also caused some wistful reminiscing, at least on my part. I thought back to my own graduation, which was when I had my very first anxiety attack. (This was also when I first started to realize how much of a control freak I could be, if I'm honest...) I thought back seven years ago, to my own crossing of this milestone, and realized just how much I've changed over the years. Not only that, but how much my dreams and desires have changed! Seven years isn't very long, you all. At least, it doesn't SOUND so long ago. But it feels like a lifetime ago. I am so grateful for that time in my life, because I learned a lot about myself and my personality. But never have I ever wished I could go back. I think back on my past decisions and experiences quite often, but I am always ever hopeful for the future and what it holds for me. And I am unbelievably thankful for all that has stayed the same; mainly, my family.

     I have a pretty cool family, y'all! I mean, I could write a whole book on just my immediate family alone. I have mentioned before, especially in my last post, how my family has been my rock through some pretty rough times for me. Everything circles back to them. If I feel alone, lost, afraid, angry, or sad, talking to any one of them about anything always helps. ALWAYS. I look at the culture nowadays, and see how families, as well as familial values, are attacked, scorned, and mocked. ESPECIALLY when it comes to fathers. I won't dig into it, but I will say that it's a complete disgrace. The cultural collapse of the nuclear family system has led to so much evil. There's really no other way to put it, if I'm honest! It's so disheartening to hear people attack the values that I myself was raised in. I'm not saying my family has been perfect by any means. We've definitely had our share of ups and downs! But to say that there is no value in the way I was raised is just foolish! I can't even begin to imagine how my siblings and I would have turned out if we were raised differently...
     In my family, we are all very close, and for the most part always have been. We've stuck together through some dark times, and I know it's safe to say that no one will ever understand me like my siblings will! I love you all! You're pretty cool, and we're all doing some cool new things with our lives.
     However, I have to say that while yes, we are all super close; and yes, I am VERY close with my mother... I have always had a different relationship with my father. And I mean "different" in a very good way! I'm pretty sure I've only been upset with my dad on two or three occasions, and I remember them pretty vividly. We've just always gotten along so well! When I was little, one of my favorite pastimes was being outside with him, usually working in his garden. He always let us help him, and even dug up a small space for my sister and I to grow our own vegetables. I have always loved listening to him read; it's a huge comfort to me, even now. I also realized that yes, my family has always been there, as a steady rock to me in the hard times; but my dad stands out in front of everyone, as the person who has stayed strong and never left. Never. Just like I can count on my Heavenly Father to always be there when I need Him, so I can count on my earthly father to not just be there, but be there ready and willing to help, however he can.
     I have always felt closer to my dad, and have always registered in my brain that he would always be there for me. Three years ago though, there was a day that really solidified that connection within me. After Mary passed away, and I had entered that fuzzy, depressed period of time, I had an extremely deep and meaningful conversation with my father regarding loss, and how it affects us. I learned of a somewhat similar situation my dad had been through, and it really helped my heart to have that time with him. I will not share the details of that day, but it will always be there for me to reflect back upon. It is just another example of my dad's strength and resilience, and therefore another reason for me to be thankful for him!

     HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, to my wonderful padre! Thank you for your continuous love, prayers, and support over the years. I feel so undeserving sometimes, when I sit back and think about all you have done for us. Thank you for your example. Thank you for always encouraging me. Thank you for always being willing to deal with my terrible car! Thank you for working such weird hours uncomplainingly. Thank you for letting me help in your garden. Thank you for always praying for us. Thank you for never leaving me. (I'm stopping now, but I honestly feel I could continue forever!)



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"Then I said to you, 'Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The Lord your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as He did in Egypt before your very eyes, and in the wilderness. There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went, until you reached this place.' "

Deuteronomy 1:29-31

"Whoever fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for their children it will be a refuge."

Proverbs 14:26

October 11, 1998

Insisted on going to see Mickey, then was suddenly intimidated to go up there alone. Luckily, dad stepped in and willingly took the picture with me. 

November 1995 *I think*

Reading me one of my birthday cards. 

November 12, 1992

I was born!

June 18, 2008

I was born [again]! 

August 8, 2015

My sister's wedding day.

My father has never failed to be proud of me, even when all I could do was beat myself up, and all I could see were my failures. And now, thank the LORD, I have the joy of seeing exactly WHY he is so proud of his children... including myself :)