Mother's Day Perspective

     Hello all -

     So, this post isn't one that I actually planned on writing. In fact, I'm currently in the middle of writing a DIFFERENT post; however, I felt very convicted last night in my spirit to write a Mother's Day/thankfulness post!
     Two nights ago I sent a text to someone because I was starting to get the overwhelming feeling of being stuck "in a rut," as it were. This happens from time to time, and I have to admit I don't cope with it very well. I usually send some panicky texts, overthink to the point that I lose hours of sleep, and live in a mildly depressed state for a few days. I always find my way back out, of course! I am so thankful to God for never leaving my side. There are so many times I would have been utterly consumed by poisonous thoughts about my life, if not for the words of love and encouragement I read in my Bible.
     So anyway, the past few weeks have been extremely tense for me. I have had more bouts than usual with anxiety and stress. It confuses me sometimes, because I will be having a perfectly lovely day, only for it to be ruined by dark thoughts about my life. HOWEVER, I have also been more aware of the Holy Spirit fighting for me these past few times, even through an extremely simple realization. For instance, I was at a friend's house a few weeks ago, feeling very anxious. I was trying to process the sting of rejection; my whole spirit emanated with it, honestly. As a result, I was very overwhelmed and my brain started in with the automatic "this is what's wrong with you" attitude that ALWAYS rears its ugly head. I was standing on the back stoop, staring at the tree across the driveway. I looked all the way up said tree, to the evening sky, and suddenly it hit me: how beautiful it all was. The tree, the sky, the birds singing from their hidden perches. I remember taking a deep breath and saying, "Thank you, God, for creating this lovely scene." And as I'm drinking it all in, I feel my spirit lighten with this crazy simple realization:

     If God could make a simple tree look THAT beautiful, how much more could He do it with me?

     I almost burst into tears on the spot. How lovely it is to realize how loved you are. How wonderful it is to feel God's presence fighting for you, striking blows for you, chasing away the darkness that so easily entangles you. It reminded me instantly of a passage from Matthew, and I was blown away AGAIN by how perfectly it fit into my life.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"

Matthew 6:25-27, NIV.

     So here I am, sitting on someone's back stoop, feeling so very sorry for myself, and being unbelievably hard on myself. And God decides to smack some sense into me; how awesome is that?! We have a God who loves us just as we are, and out of that love will not let us stay that way. His love changes our hearts and the way we view ourselves. In that moment, I was SO thankful; and last night, God reminded me of that moment and put this current post idea in my head. 

     

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     There are so many people in my life, placed there by the Lord, for which I am so thankful. There are so many times I feel down and out about my life, only to be brought back up out of the darkness by His work through other people. So, I am going to thank the particular people He has placed on my heart the past few days, although this is in no way enough to repay them. (This is not EVERYONE that I have ever been thankful for, but these are the people that He put on my heart. I'm really, truly grateful to anyone that decides to stick around in my life!) 

     To Danny and Cara, two of my oldest friends. Thank you for keeping me from becoming a modern hermit! How easily it is to be sucked in by the negative, and how grateful I am to you two for never letting me go. How thankful I am for the almost ten years of friendship we've shared; for the many adventures we've taken; for the countless times you've listened to me vent, complain, and bemoan my troubles; for the constant companionship, especially in those times I feel very much rejected; for all of our inside jokes and the weird things we find hilarious; for standing by my side and not letting me fade back into the background; I love you all, dearly! Cara, I miss you so much, and cannot wait to visit you in the new home you've been building for yourself! I am so proud of both of you, and I honestly can't believe that we're adults sometimes; when I'm with you two I feel like I'm fifteen again. Which is awesome, because my biggest concern then was my face breaking out and passing my math class. You all are wonderful, and so dear to my heart. 

     To Jena, the extroverted version of myself: how I love you, and cherish your friendship. You have helped shift my perspective on so many things, whether you realized you were doing so or not. I love that I can talk to you about LITERALLY anything; I love that we are just as comfortable sitting in silence as we are talking for hours; I love that we share an obsession with goat cheese; I love that you got me back into an exercise routine; I love that you love everyone so fiercely; I love that you're never afraid to speak your mind, and that you're [slowly] teaching me that I can do the same. I am thankful for the example you have been to me, as a person, friend, and mother. A few years ago I honestly couldn't imagine being as close with you as I am now, and I am so grateful that the Lord saw fit to push us together! How thoughtful and wonderful He is for that! I love you with all of my heart, and hope that you feel extra blessed this Mother's Day. 

     To all of the wild, sometimes borderline-psychotic children that I work with: how precious you are to me! I am so thankful for the pushes I received from various people to pursue this line of work. I have learned more about myself, my capabilities, and what truly matters in this life the past year, than in all my other years on this earth. How amazing to have so many tiny ones adore you! I am thankful for everything; yes, even the ones who bite, kick, and scream. I have learned how to be truly patient, how to be flexible, and have realized that no one will ever love you like a child will. Tiny voices shouting my name, the chubby hands patting my face, the sloppy kisses, the headbutts, the untied shoes that get tied a million times in one day, the look of joy when they realize they have LEARNED SOMETHING, is one hundred percent incomparable. There is nothing like this job, and there is nothing like them. I am so thankful to you tiny, little, crazy people! 

     To all of my siblings... there are not NEARLY enough words. I have four built-in best friends, and three others that have been added over the past few years. How cool is that?! I am so thankful to you all for your love and kindness. For your friendship, which is only continuing to get stronger. It is awe-inspiring to me to sit back and think about it, honestly. Here we all are, five siblings, thrust together by the power of God; if you look as us, we are as similar as we are different. We all have different strengths and weaknesses, and they all seem to compliment each other. Sure, sibling/family love is messy, but it is undeniable that a bond exists between us that, really, no one could ever break. I am SO thankful that I have this big, messy, loud, loving, rock of a family to fall back on. There are days when I was so deeply entrenched in dark thoughts I didn't know how to escape; and yet, it is on most of those days that the Lord saw fit to have us get together. To remind me of the power that flows through the generations. I am so thankful, and I love you all SO MUCH.

     To my wonderful, loving padre: how peaceful it is to have such an amazing example of our Father's love for us. You do so much for us, and there has never been any doubt in my mind how much you love and care for your family. You lead us with a quiet strength that, unfortunately, is missing from most of the world today. You are always there for us, whether through prayer or fixing a car that's as old as the hills! You gently but firmly turned us toward the correct path, and had faith that we would continue to follow your example of following the Lord. I am so grateful. I love you, so unbelievably much. 

     To my beautiful, sweet little mother: I love you, and I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH. How dare anyone think that motherhood is easy?! I know that this journey hasn't always been easy for you, but I am so thankful for the example of perseverance, faith, hope, love, and joy you have always set for us. For always being SO encouraging; I mean, seriously, you can always make me feel better even if I only talk to you for five minutes. You are the glue that holds our crazy, loud, messy family together. You are the one I can trust to always have my back, and to always be praying for us. How dare anyone think that motherhood is easy?!  I am so thankful for the faithful example you have been, and continue to be. For the emojis you send instead of words, because they make me laugh. For letting me move back into your space, and always being so accommodating for your family. I hope this day let you know, even a tiny bit, how much you mean to all of us. I am thankful for you, always. I love you, forever. Happy Mother's Day, mama! 

   

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     One of the best encouragements I can offer you all is this: find something to be thankful for EVERY DAY. Even if it seems small, or insignificant, staying thankful is absolutely key. My heart is so much lighter after writing this, although I am totally tearing up! I love my life, even though sometimes the enemy tries to push me down. I am thankful for the people I have in my life, and I am thankful that the Lord is always fighting on my side! 

     Have a wonderful week, everyone!