Thy Will Be Done
Happy new year, and happy snowy weekend to everyone! Hopefully everyone had a good holiday season, and is running into this new year at top speed, ready to conquer anything! As for me, I am excited to see what this new year will bring; at present though, I am just waiting for winter to pass, and the cold to be gone.
Now, I love the snow. Snow and I get along very well, and always have! I just wish there was some magical way to have the snow without the crazy cold temperatures. This winter has made me officially realize that I was not meant for scraping ice off my car and piling unbelievable layers upon my person. No way, y'all; I was meant to live where the sun shines almost continuously, and the temperature never drops below thirty-five degrees. I love Fall, and I love early Spring; it is the in-between waiting period I dislike. Even the beauty of snow can only temporarily delay the impatience that inevitably rushes forth during Winter, and rules my spirit until Spring makes its official appearance. Patience has never really been a virtue of mine, although I do try! It is something I have struggled with as long as I can remember. "Waiting" has never been something that appealed to me. Until, that is, the Lord spoke certain things to my spirit, and I was filled with an anticipation I have never really known before. An anticipation that revolves around WAITING, of all things...
Every year, almost as far back as I can remember, my church has fasted as a community during the very first week of the new year. For the past few years, I have tried to participate as best I knew how during said fast; however, I tended to overdo things, and thus would end up giving up halfway through the week. I was, as I mentioned above, too impatient. It was like, even though I had never officially fasted before, I still expected myself to do it perfectly every single day. I never took things one day at a time; I was constantly looking forward to the end of the week, and would end up overwhelmed, exhausted, and irritably giving up on fasting altogether. This year, however, I was pretty determined to get through the whole week. I picked artificial sugar as my item to fast, with a huge emphasis on chocolate. (Anyone who knows even the slightest bit about me will understand my love affair with chocolate, and how unlikely it was that I could stay away from it for a week!) I decided to just take things one day at a time, and see how it went. I set earlier alarms, so I would have time to read the daily Bible verses, and pray over each day's topic. I kept my water bottle by my side all day, every day, to help distract myself from the cravings that would come. I bought a bunch of yogurt to eat whenever I really wanted something sweet.
Now, I cannot lie to you all; I did slip up a couple of times. However, rather than berate myself for failing, or giving up on fasting for good, I simply determined that I would do better the next day. Which I did! I managed to get through the entire week, and at the end of it all I felt good, to say the least! I was exhausted, per a combination of severe lack of sleep, going back to work, and a new student in our class; however, I hadn't given up! Not to mention, I heard quite a few things from the Lord during that week. It was as if I was more in tune to hear Him, because I would have these tiny revelations during the busiest parts of my day, and not even realize it was something He had put on my heart until later in the day when I was finally at home.
Now, I have mentioned once or twice that I feel I am in the middle of a "transitioning" season; between moving, taking on a new leadership role in my church, and just the craziness of life in general, it was not hard for me to figure out that the Lord has me in a very specific place right now. Of course, I say "specific," but the truth of the matter is that this place/season I am in is extremely muddled at times, and I have quite a difficult time finding patience. Which, as you can recall, is something I have never been adept at finding anyway. However, one of the first days of the fast the Lord gave me a VERY specific word, with a VERY specific meaning.
He told me to "WAIT."
And yes, that is exactly how it appeared in my head; large, bold letters that gave the word emphasis, yet spoken so softly I could barely even hear it. Immediately, I knew it was from Him, because my spirit felt at peace about it; although, my primal human instincts were crying out in horror. Waiting?! The very idea! As if last year wasn't hard enough already, and as if I am not already fed up with waiting, and as if I don't already feel like I am falling behind because of the waiting, etc etc. On and on it goes, yet deep in my spirit I KNEW that this was meant for me. I felt the first glimmer of anticipation run through me, in spite of the inner battle raging in my heart. We are told that those who wait on the Lord will be strengthened; they will rise up and no longer be weary! Boy, was I tired of being, well, tired. My very soul had felt weighed down by conflict so many times last year, and I was tired of it all.
You see, part of my struggle with patience is that, in certain circumstances, it can make people appear weak. Not weak in the eyes of the Lord, of course, but weak by the world's standards. And even though I know better, it is still a battle I face daily; I am extremely independent by nature, and I have always hated appearing "weak" to other people. However, it is important to remember that laying down your struggles and burdens at God's feet is not weak. Jesus Himself stated that in Him we will find rest for our souls, for His yoke is easy and His burden is light. So, how could I claim to love Him, and to believe His words, yet not actually BELIEVE His words? Why was this concept, of which I have known for years, so evasive to me? To those questions, I have no real answers; I just know that something has shifted within me, and I no longer want these burdens that have been weighing me down! Hallelujah.
The second thing that was revealed to me was the phrase, "sigh of release." Not a sigh of "relief," which is the term we usually hear, but one of "release." A whole lot of people heard variations of the word, "breathe" during one of our meetings; at first I was disappointed that I hadn't heard the same thing they did. The more I thought about it though, and the more I prayed on it, the more I came to realize that it IS similar to what other people were hearing. Sighing is just breathing out, technically! The Lord was telling me to just breathe out, release everything to Him, and just wait. It sounds so simple when I type it out, but in reality it is something that I know will not come easily to me.
Now, I love the snow. Snow and I get along very well, and always have! I just wish there was some magical way to have the snow without the crazy cold temperatures. This winter has made me officially realize that I was not meant for scraping ice off my car and piling unbelievable layers upon my person. No way, y'all; I was meant to live where the sun shines almost continuously, and the temperature never drops below thirty-five degrees. I love Fall, and I love early Spring; it is the in-between waiting period I dislike. Even the beauty of snow can only temporarily delay the impatience that inevitably rushes forth during Winter, and rules my spirit until Spring makes its official appearance. Patience has never really been a virtue of mine, although I do try! It is something I have struggled with as long as I can remember. "Waiting" has never been something that appealed to me. Until, that is, the Lord spoke certain things to my spirit, and I was filled with an anticipation I have never really known before. An anticipation that revolves around WAITING, of all things...
Every year, almost as far back as I can remember, my church has fasted as a community during the very first week of the new year. For the past few years, I have tried to participate as best I knew how during said fast; however, I tended to overdo things, and thus would end up giving up halfway through the week. I was, as I mentioned above, too impatient. It was like, even though I had never officially fasted before, I still expected myself to do it perfectly every single day. I never took things one day at a time; I was constantly looking forward to the end of the week, and would end up overwhelmed, exhausted, and irritably giving up on fasting altogether. This year, however, I was pretty determined to get through the whole week. I picked artificial sugar as my item to fast, with a huge emphasis on chocolate. (Anyone who knows even the slightest bit about me will understand my love affair with chocolate, and how unlikely it was that I could stay away from it for a week!) I decided to just take things one day at a time, and see how it went. I set earlier alarms, so I would have time to read the daily Bible verses, and pray over each day's topic. I kept my water bottle by my side all day, every day, to help distract myself from the cravings that would come. I bought a bunch of yogurt to eat whenever I really wanted something sweet.
Now, I cannot lie to you all; I did slip up a couple of times. However, rather than berate myself for failing, or giving up on fasting for good, I simply determined that I would do better the next day. Which I did! I managed to get through the entire week, and at the end of it all I felt good, to say the least! I was exhausted, per a combination of severe lack of sleep, going back to work, and a new student in our class; however, I hadn't given up! Not to mention, I heard quite a few things from the Lord during that week. It was as if I was more in tune to hear Him, because I would have these tiny revelations during the busiest parts of my day, and not even realize it was something He had put on my heart until later in the day when I was finally at home.
Now, I have mentioned once or twice that I feel I am in the middle of a "transitioning" season; between moving, taking on a new leadership role in my church, and just the craziness of life in general, it was not hard for me to figure out that the Lord has me in a very specific place right now. Of course, I say "specific," but the truth of the matter is that this place/season I am in is extremely muddled at times, and I have quite a difficult time finding patience. Which, as you can recall, is something I have never been adept at finding anyway. However, one of the first days of the fast the Lord gave me a VERY specific word, with a VERY specific meaning.
He told me to "WAIT."
And yes, that is exactly how it appeared in my head; large, bold letters that gave the word emphasis, yet spoken so softly I could barely even hear it. Immediately, I knew it was from Him, because my spirit felt at peace about it; although, my primal human instincts were crying out in horror. Waiting?! The very idea! As if last year wasn't hard enough already, and as if I am not already fed up with waiting, and as if I don't already feel like I am falling behind because of the waiting, etc etc. On and on it goes, yet deep in my spirit I KNEW that this was meant for me. I felt the first glimmer of anticipation run through me, in spite of the inner battle raging in my heart. We are told that those who wait on the Lord will be strengthened; they will rise up and no longer be weary! Boy, was I tired of being, well, tired. My very soul had felt weighed down by conflict so many times last year, and I was tired of it all.
You see, part of my struggle with patience is that, in certain circumstances, it can make people appear weak. Not weak in the eyes of the Lord, of course, but weak by the world's standards. And even though I know better, it is still a battle I face daily; I am extremely independent by nature, and I have always hated appearing "weak" to other people. However, it is important to remember that laying down your struggles and burdens at God's feet is not weak. Jesus Himself stated that in Him we will find rest for our souls, for His yoke is easy and His burden is light. So, how could I claim to love Him, and to believe His words, yet not actually BELIEVE His words? Why was this concept, of which I have known for years, so evasive to me? To those questions, I have no real answers; I just know that something has shifted within me, and I no longer want these burdens that have been weighing me down! Hallelujah.
The second thing that was revealed to me was the phrase, "sigh of release." Not a sigh of "relief," which is the term we usually hear, but one of "release." A whole lot of people heard variations of the word, "breathe" during one of our meetings; at first I was disappointed that I hadn't heard the same thing they did. The more I thought about it though, and the more I prayed on it, the more I came to realize that it IS similar to what other people were hearing. Sighing is just breathing out, technically! The Lord was telling me to just breathe out, release everything to Him, and just wait. It sounds so simple when I type it out, but in reality it is something that I know will not come easily to me.
"Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty... I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives, and led them well."
-Theodore Roosevelt
I must be willing to be stretched, to allow Him to work through me in all different ways. If I remain the same, and refuse to stretch, or grow, or change, then I am no better than the Pharisees of Jesus' time, whom He called hypocrites, fools, and vipers. An example of this stretching came to me last Friday, when I was in a meeting about our children's church. We were discussing working things out as a team, etc. and I was suddenly filled with the realization that God is about to put me through a time of stretching and growth within myself. Because, as I said earlier, I am a very independent person. Working as part of a team has never been easy for me; I tend to gravitate toward doing everything myself, and I tend to lose patience easily with other adults - imagine that! So, in the middle of this meeting, while everyone else was talking and discussing different ideas, my heart was once again divided and arguing with itself. Why didn't it register with me that this was going to be a team effort? But does that really matter? No. I know this is part of God's plan for me right now. But am I sure that this is the right thing to do now? I don't do well working with other people, and I never have! Then this is my opportunity to GROW, isn't it? Well... yes.
So it was officially settled, and once again, I felt the shiver of anticipation run through my spirit. It is so amazing to me that one can become so excited about the prospect of doing something you know you don't handle very well. God is so cool, y'all! I know I could never handle everything my life has thrown at me without Him; how foolish we are, to think that we as humans could EVER carry some of the burdens we find ourselves holding. He has promised us that He will ease our burdens, if only we let Him do so.
Here's to the new year, friends! May we all be able to breathe out, release our burdens to Him, and wait on His plans and promises. The Lord's best will always be better than the best we could ever imagine. May we be willing to be stretched and molded according to His purposes, and may we not be distracted by this world and culture that surrounds us. May HIS Kingdom come, and HIS will be done, on this earth as it is within Heaven. Amen, and have a wonderful day, y'all!
"Why do you complain, Jacob?
Why do you say, Israel,
' My way is hidden from the Lord;
my cause is disregarded by my God'?
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."
Isaiah 40:27-31, NIV.
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